❝ There’s always an Arquillian Battle Cruiser, or a Corillian Death Ray, or an intergalactic plague that is about to wipe out all life on this miserable little planet, and the only way these people can get on with their happy lives is that they DO NOT KNOW ABOUT IT! ❞
Agent Kay - MiB
❝ A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it. Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you’ll know tomorrow. ❞
Agent Kay, MiB.
When I get ready for a party:

Expectation:

Reality:

image

(Source: laiscoutinho)

Why being a girl isn't working out for me:
  • Body: Oh, guess what time of the month it is!
  • Me: Please, god, no--
  • Ovaries: ALL SYSTEMS GO0O0O0OO0OO0O0O0
  • Brain: I quit. i quit. kittens and cupcakes and no one loves me. oh my god salty snacks i am furius
  • Me: Please, guys, calm down--
  • Face: TIME TO RUIN EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER LIKED ABOUT ME. I'M GROWING MOUNTAINS, BITCHES.
  • Brain: And now I'm ugly! shbdksdnksbn
  • Torso: Time to practice labor. cramp this bitch up. GO GO GO GO GO GO
  • Me: STOP IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
  • Stomach: lol clothes cant fit you anymore. you are bloated. you are now a balloooooooon!
  • Me: I hate you all
  • Brain: I KNOW EVERYONE HATES ME I AM SO DEPRESSED. we need to procreate.
  • Face: Lol, i'm not done yet.
  • Uterus: what did i ever do to deserve this?
  • Brain: you just wait uterus. they're going to make you hold a baby for like 10 months straight.
  • Uterus: You mother fuckers.
  • Torso: CONTRACT!
  • Me: I quit being female, I am now a llama.
  • Brain: Me gusta.
The Proper Way to Ask for a Refill.

yourfavoritehippie93:

(Source: shotglassesandpeacesigns)